“God’s love for us is something that often times we try to understand. Our little minds try to grasp in a love that even the Universe cannot hold.”
I am realizing that in my life I have only one dream. One desire. One place where I want to be- HOME.
I haven’t experienced such a deep desire for home since my mother passed away and my father left home years ago.
As the Father opens up the deep places of my heart, I am seeing how my heart longs and aches for a family.
But, I have been stuck with a thousand thoughts/questions that I can’t answer myself. Here are a few of them: how in the world my life will be different from what it is now? How do I move forward? I’ve been so independent for so long.
Even in ministry I’ve tried to find a place to call “home” but it’s been difficult. Is there anything wrong with me desiring this? Do I deserve to be home?
As I was processing all this, more questions began to surface within me, and I got really upset with myself and the Father. Sometimes is hard to understand the plan that the Father has for my life.
After a few days of intentionally seeking the Father and asking him for help He revealed a beautiful piece of His heart. This passage, to me, is the most amazing verse for those who are truly hungry for more:
“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord.
[Isaiah 55:8]
As I was reading this, it became clear to me that my mind is in constant need of being renewed. Otherwise, I will continue to find myself stuck in how I view myself through my lens, rather than, seeing myself the way that God sees me and the way that He wants me to see those around me.
In the same moment I heard a soft voice saying: “How are you going to lead a family if you don’t learn first to be in the family? How can you be a Father to many and even to your future children if you don’t allow me to be your Father and you don’t allow yourself to be my son? Let me take you on a new journey in this season… allow me to be your Abba.”
After this conversation, I started to feel the Father in a new way, giving me the confidence I was lacking. And, I truly began believing that He was SPEAKING to me. The next story captures what his heart is for every single one of us:
Would you listen to this beautiful heartbeat with me?
Manuel is an elderly gentleman who lives in one of the areas close to the mountains that surrounds Antigua. He travels every day from his village to the city of Antigua to sell these carved wooden angels for a very small price. His journey begins at 4am every day, carrying a backpack full of wooden items of different figures and sizes. The day I met this gentleman, I was doing some street-photography. Well, that was what I thought I would be doing. As my friend and I started our adventure, there was literally, a voice in my head that gently said: “I’ll let you know when the time is right to take a picture”
We walked down the whole “Santa Lucia” street, one the most famous and well known streets in Antigua. It was around 6:30am and I started to ask myself if this was a real thing or it was just me but then I heard the Father telling me that I had to go in a certain direction, and when I got there I was going to know what to do.
We made it to this corner, four blocks away from “Santa Lucia” street and there, in the corner was this amazing person. He was sitting on one of the stairs at the entrance of a coffee shop. When he saw me, he smiled at me.
Something in my heart stirred up, and I felt like crying. I don’t know why I felt so moved in that moment. As my friend and I continue to walk I was trying to ignore this situation. The Father said: “I want you to go to him and take a picture of him.”
I had a good conversation with him and finally after wrestling with my thoughts for a few minutes I asked him if I could take a picture of him, smiling he says: “Wait, let me grab something.” As I am getting ready to capture this moment, I grabbed the camera and I am trying to focus my “subject” (as we call the person or thing we are intending to have a picture of.) I hear this voice again: “Are you seeing what I am seeing?”
Me: “No”
Father: “Look again…”
Me: (Starting to really pay attention)
Father: “Can you see what I see? Can you see this man?”
Me: “Father what do you want me to see?”
(Standing now, with my heart and eyes wide open)
Father: “See Manuel holding the angel in his hands? Son, that’s you. That’s every single one of my children. When you come to me I hold you in my hands where I am proud of having you and the world can see what I’ve done – a beautiful piece of art.
Angels, angels dream about this! They wish they could be held in my hands in the way I do with you. That’s the dream of angels, but to you my children this is your REALITY.”
After hearing all this, tears came out, and I felt this warm love surrounding me. For so long I have ignored people like Manuel, just for the mere fact of them not being the type of people I like.
The Father that day changed the way I was seeing myself and others, opening my heart to feel what he feels and to celebrate the life of each person that we meet.
“For the earnest expectation of the creation eagerly waits for the revealing of the sons of God.”
– Romans 8:19 –
